Never thought it would happen. Never thought it could happen. Never should admit this. Never going to hold back anything from you all.
I have Athletes Foot AND fucking jock-itch!! Yep, I am a disgusting blob of fungus. My feet and my vagina are a moist bed of decaying mold!
I am guessing I got the Athletes Foot from the pool or waterpark, since I have not put on sneakers in months. I do Pilates, no shoes allowed. A few weeks ago I started getting itchy feet, a little rash on the sides of my feet that a few days later turned scaly and peeling. I put cream on it, thinking my feet were just dry or maybe I was allergic to something, but nothing helped. When I showed my GF this past week and she thought it could be athletes foot, I went to get anti-fungal cream and washed all my sheets and towels. It was getting better and I was relaxing that I had cloroxed the shit away, but then on Thursday of last week my vagina started itching and out came the pouring of green/yellow gunk. I get yeast infections pretty frequently so I did not put the two together until I called my doctor today and spoke to the nurse…
Me: “Can you get the doc to call me in a Diflucan? I have a yeast infection.”
Nurse: “You just had one according to your chart. What’s going on?”
Me: “I am flooding my underwear with cottage cheese. It is coming out cups at a time! I pee and the water is green from goop! I am also itching so bad I think someone stole my soap and rubbed it in poison ivy!”
Nurse: “Do you have anything else going on the doctor should know about?”
Me: “I think I have Athletes Foot, but the cream is helping so it is almost gone.”
Nurse: “BINGO! You probably spread it to your vagina, Athletes Foot can spread up, we call it jock-itch.”
Me: “OMFG! Are you kidding me?!”
Nurse: “Nope. Just take the Diflucan, wash all your stuff and when you put the creams on don’t intermix.”
Me: “Don’t touch my feet then my vagina? Well damn, that’s going to be hard because I itch so bad it is like a thousand mosquitos bit me on my vagina! Can you get chick-pox just on your vagina? I swear there has to be a million lesions down there!”
Nurse: “Mary Catherine, please just do your best.”
I will be honest I scratch down there without thinking. I have an itch, I scratch it. Doesn’t everyone do that? I do it subconsciously. I am sitting on the couch and scratch. I do laundry and I am digging. I watch my shows and I am rubbing it down. I am like a guy, constantly have my hand down my pants. Damn it, don’t judge me, it itches and with that much digging it is no surprise that the Athletes Foot is related, if it wasn’t at first it is now!
Ugh, I got cream for my feet and cream for my vagina. I will now spend most of my day making sure I don’t cross-contaminate and that shit takes a lot of concentration. Damn it, I just scratched, gotta go wash my hands!